Keeping friendship alive: Jeremy (centre, in white shirt) hanging out with his mates, whom he met in secondary school.
NO man is an island, as the saying goes.
While it is important to forge friendships, youths like me are reminded by our parents and teachers every now and then to be careful in choosing our friends.
Having the right set of friends can help pave our way to a brighter future.
Although many of us appear to have friends, how do we know that they are the right ones for us? In fact, how do we know if we are the right friends for others?
To answer this, we have to first dig deep as to what a friend is in the first place.
Friends are companions, people with whom we share our life stories or whom we lend a shoulder to cry on.
Almost everyone we meet can be a potential friend, whether it is the person sitting next to us in school or the person who runs the nearby petrol station.
However, what makes a good, lasting friendship is its foundation that is built upon trust and understanding.
The most important criterion in every good friendship is not how it looks on the surface, how alike everyone may seem, or what others think about it.
On the contrary, it is about how both you and your friend feel about the relationship. Hence, you should constantly evaluate how you feel after spending time with the people whom you consider your friends. If you have friends who
constantly take advantage of your generosity, bring drama into your life, and only support you when it serves their personal interests, then it’s time to reevaluate your friendships.
One of the qualities which can contribute towards long-lasting friendships is open-mindedness. People who are open-minded have no problem accepting differences in opinions.
There is a certain kind of warmth which can be felt when we are surrounded by our close friends. They accept you for who you are and listen attentively to what you have to say, without any judgement.
The term “agree to disagree” should be used more often in today’s conversations because differing opinions, perspectives and outlooks of the world are what makes a friendship a lot more enriching.
One friend may choose having dogs over cats, and another may choose to support Manchester United over Liverpool, but ultimately, everyone learns something new about one another.
Having gratitude is another quality of an enduring friendship. I find that people who exercise gratitude tend to be a lot more sincere and happy because they do not waste time nitpicking and complaining about others. They’re the kind of people who appreciate even the smallest things in life.
Too often, we hear people say that good friends are hard to find, but the irony here is that no one wants to be that good friend.
Oprah Winfrey put it perfectly when she said: “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
It is usually during our darkest hours that we really begin to realise who our real friends are. They are the people who will stick by us through thick and thin, while expecting nothing in return.
And finally, every lasting friendship should be bound by honesty. You should never be afraid of telling your friends that you don’t feel like hanging out, or of advising them against doing something.
Such two-way communication is not only good for strengthening the bonds of a friendship, but also prevents one from making bad decisions that may be detrimental to one’s future.
The best kind of friends is not those who tell you what you like to hear. Instead, they tell you what you need to hear.
That said, friendships are not built overnight. They often take time and effort to develop, and if both parties are genuinely invested in the relationship, it will get better as the years roll on.
Life is made up of perpetual ups and downs, joys and woes, triumphs and defeats. In those moments, it is truly a great privilege to have friends along with us.
At the end of the day, we are all products of our environment. Friends play a major role in our growth because we spend time with them – in some cases, more time than we spend with our parents.
Therefore, we have a responsibility to ourselves to select the right circle of friends since they can shape the way we think, talk and act.
Our friends could either make us or break us, and if chosen wrongly, the same circle could be the cage that is holding us back from the great adventures of life.
Jeremy, 20, a student in Selangor, is a participant of the BRATs Young Journalist Programme run by The Star’s Newspaper-in-Education (Star-NiE) team. To join Star-NiE’s online youth community, go to facebook.com/niebrats.
Now that you have read the article, test your understanding by carrying out the following English language activities.
1. Look in today’s copy of the Sunday Star newspaper for three individuals with whom you would like to be friends with. Explain your choices.
2. List the adjectives that you would use to describe a good friend. When you are done, go through the list. Do you yourself have these qualities as well?
The Star’s Newspaper-in-Education (Star-NiE) programme promotes the use of English language in primary and secondary schools nationwide. For Star-NiE enquiries, email starnie@thestar.com.my.
