We are one: Being accepting of others is a step towards fostering unity. — Filepic
“YOU’RE starting to look like a housemaid,” my aunt said one day as she picked me up from rugby practice.
Comments laced with prejudice and discrimination, such as this, were all too familiar to me.
My aunt’s offensive remark was solely prompted by the fact that my skin had become darker from spending more time in the sun.
As an ethnic Indian who was born with a light skin tone but can tan easily, I have experienced different treatments based on how my skin looked, even in my own household.
We were often advised to avoid sun exposure or stay indoors during certain hours of the day.
Despite their potential harm to my skin, my mother bought me whitening products throughout my childhood. I didn’t question her decision and simply used the products as instructed.
The preoccupation with skin tone wasn’t only limited to perceptions of beauty; it was also tied to notions of wealth, education and even personal hygiene.
During a ride home from school one day, my father told me about a new family who had moved into our neighbourhood. What he said next made my heart sink.
He expressed that upon seeing their dark skin tones, he immediately felt a sense of unease. He wondered how a family “like theirs” could possibly afford a home in our supposedly upscale neighbourhood.
He went on to say that when he got to know one of the men from the family, he was surprised by the man’s impeccable manners and excellent English fluency.
In his eyes, there was nothing inherently wrong with his initial perception of the family. He was unaware that his way of thinking was problematic because it was ingrained in him from a young age, and he was never taught to think differently.
Can I really hold my father accountable for not having had the opportunity to gain knowledge of, and exposure to, the reality of internalised racism, a topic that is still not discussed enough in our society?
I knew I couldn’t let my father’s prejudice go unchecked. In an attempt to challenge his thinking, I asked, “Suppose the man you met was lighter-skinned. Do you think you would have been just as surprised by his manners, English proficiency and apparent wealth?”
As I posed my question, I could see my father’s expression shift to a mix of surprise and defensiveness. It’s natural to become defensive when our biases are brought to light but in that moment, he refused to view how his assumptions were considered downright racist.
Later, I sat down with my father to have a heart-to-heart conversation about the internalised racism that I had grown up with, and the ways it had negatively impacted not only my views towards others, but also towards myself.
To my surprise, he was completely unaware of his own biases and how they had affected me.
As we talked, I brought up the skin tone comments and certain memories from my childhood, such as how he used to refer to us as “not quite Indian Indian”, implying that we were modern and educated, unlike “other Indians”.
It was a gradual process but thankfully, my father eventually came to understand why it was wrong and made an effort towards becoming a broader-minded and accepting person.
Can you imagine the strength, unity and empowerment that we could achieve as a society if we collectively researched our history and became more aware of our own behaviours?
So much change would happen if we made an effort towards educating ourselves and stopped putting one another down.
It’s all too common for us to feel alone in our experiences. But the truth is, many of us have gone through similar struggles.
If there’s one thing I long for, it’s the day when we can all stand tall and tell our younger selves, who were burdened by shame and insecurity, that we’ve come to cherish the beautiful shades of our skin and no longer let other people’s opinions define us.
I am beyond proud to declare that I have grown to not give a second thought to the shade of my skin, nor do I allow it to define me anymore. And I urge you to do the same.
Sammy (not her real name), 18, a student in Selangor, is a participant of the BRATs Young Journalist Programme run by The Star’s Newspaper-in-Education (Star-NiE) team.
For updates on the BRATs programme, go to facebook.com/niebrats.
Now that you have read the article, test your understanding by carrying out the following English language activities.
1 Discuss with your friends what biases, aside from colour bias, you believe society should confront. Why do you think addressing these biases is important?
2 Share an experience of a bias you have encountered. How did it impact you, and what steps do you think should be taken to address this bias in broader society?
The Star’s Newspaper-in-Education (Star-NiE) programme promotes the use of English language in primary and secondary schools nationwide.
For Star-NiE enquiries, email starnie@thestar.com.my.
