A helping hand: Those coping with trauma associated with suicide or attempted suicide need the support of their family and loved ones.
AINUL’s (not her real name) family has been keeping a watchful eye on her, but not too close; the 35-year-old survived a suicide attempt six years ago and her mental health remains a constant concern.
Her parents and siblings pay attention to her diet, conversations and social circles, but they are careful not to be intrusive to avoid making Ainul feel restricted or want to be rebellious.
“We have consistent chats about her life and interests. The conversations are friendly and familial. We want to show her that we care while keeping up to date with her mental health,” says her mother as she recalls the day Ainul, the third of five siblings, tried to take her own life.
Ainul had been devastated after a painful breakup with her then boyfriend.
The emotional burden was overwhelming. She felt like her heart was being crushed with every breath. The pain was unbearable and she couldn’t understand why her existence mattered anymore.
Two nights after the breakup, Ainul made the desperate decision to take a handful of opioid pills and passed out in her Kuala Lumpur apartment. Fortunately, her housemate found her in time and rushed her to the hospital, where doctors pumped her stomach. Her family was notified immediately.
But the cause of her suicide attempt was more than just the breakup.
“My psychiatrist told me I had been suffering from severe depression long before the breakup. No one had noticed it, not even my family. They just thought I was being ‘moody’ all the time,” Ainul tells the Sunday Star.
Today, Ainul is on the road to recovery, with her family adopting an approach that might be the most appropriate for supporting a loved one who has attempted suicide.
Universiti Sains Malaysia psychologist Assoc Prof Dr Geshina Ayu Mat Saat emphasises that family support is crucial in such situations.
“Do not be quick to blame or judge the person. Be supportive, and at the very least, be present during their medical and psychological assessments.
“Do not add to the stress and trauma they are already experiencing. Above all, be empathetic,” says Dr Geshina.
Suicide attempts and completed suicides are not uncommon in Malaysia. Last year, Health Minister Datuk Seri Dr Dzulkefly Ahmad reported there were 1,087 suicide cases in 2023, a 10% increase from 981 cases the previous year. The reasons behind these tragedies often include relationship issues, family conflicts, financial crises, and abuse.
In response, the government has implemented several prevention programmes, including establishing mental health services at health clinics, as part of the 2020-2025 Mental Health Strategic Plan. One initiative, MySAVE (Malaysia Suicide Awareness Voice of Hope), is a cross-agency effort aimed at preventing suicidal behaviour.
The government also decriminalised suicide last year in an effort to help those in need, following the abolishment of Section 309 of the Penal Code which had stated that those who attempt to commit suicide shall be punished with a jail term of up to one year, or a fine, or both, upon conviction.
Family support, however, remains essential, especially for individuals who have attempted suicide. But as Malaysian Psychiatric Association past president Dr Hazli Zakaria points out, suicide is still a taboo subject in many families.
“Based on the information shared by clinic clients who have attempted suicide, the immediate reaction from family members is often to scold them. This negative response only deepens their guilt and can push them further away,” says Dr Hazli.
While shock and disbelief are understandable reactions to a suicide attempt, he stresses the importance of managing emotions in these moments.
“Family members must regulate their emotions. It’s natural to feel shock, disbelief, guilt, or shame when someone in the family has tried to take their own life. But what they need to do in those moments is control their emotions – a skill everyone should develop.”
Dr Hazli also highlights the challenge for families who have lost loved ones to suicide.
“For these families, accepting the loss is already difficult, and the nature of the death makes it even harder. They often feel unsafe discussing it, fearing judgement or blame for not preventing it. Survivors’ guilt can prevent them from talking about the tragedy, reinforcing the cultural taboo.”
Communication, he points out, is key to coping with the trauma caused by suicide attempts.
“The ability to start a conversation is a valuable skill. It can lead to proper help and prevent the worst outcomes.
“From my experience with clients who have attempted suicide, sometimes a phone call from a friend, just to talk, was enough to dispel their loneliness and give them a reason to keep living.”
Dr Hazli stresses the importance of providing avenues for affected family members to talk about the experience. However, he says there has yet to be a proper channel in the country for that purpose, save for a grief centre located in Kuching.
“There is no platform for them to do so as there is not many avenues for them to have a conversation besides in the therapy room. As far I know, we have only one grief centre, which is the Dee Hati Centre for Grief, Bereavement, and Trauma in Kuching, which provides a safe space.”
The trauma in affected families also comes in the form of post-suicide investigations, for example.
“The legal procedure the family needs to go through could be source of trauma. The investigation process could trigger unwanted psychological responses if it is done improperly,” says Dr Hazli.
At the same time, he says the affected party should be allowed to express their wish about how much they want to disclose or to be exposed on when the topic is broached.
“It is important for them to have the perception that it is OK to talk about it. The open discussion will help us to understand better and to use the knowledge to improve preventive strategies.”
At the same time, when dealing with the matter legally, the filing of a civil suit by affected family members should they suspect the victim was “pushed” by a responsible party to take suicidal measures, is also well within their rights.
Lawyer Datuk Zamri Idrus, however, says the grounds of the suit must be accompanied with evidence of the occurrence of bullying by the perpetrators, such as verbal complaints made to friends or family members, text messages, voice mails, and social media postings; instances of the victim seeking psychiatric help due to the problems suffered can also add to the case.
“In a court of law, evidence is paramount. The court does not act on emotions. Before filing a suit, you must build up your case and identify the bully. Get all the evidence in the form of recorded conversations or even text messages.
“At the same time, if you are suffering from bullying, you can also lodge a police report. Nobody can stop you.”
These days, Ainul’s family makes it a point to spend more time together, especially over meals. There’s more laughter, and they have become more attuned to her feelings and any concerns she voices.
“She is my child, after all. Of course, I will always worry about Ainul. But we are taking this journey toward recovery together, one day at a time,” says her mother.
If you are struggling with suicide or know someone who is contemplating suicide, you can reach out to the Mental Health Psychosocial Support Service (03-2935 9935/ 014-322 3392); Talian Kasih (15999/ 019-261 5999 on WhatsApp); Jakim’s family, social and community care centre (011-1959 8214 on WhatsApp); or Befrienders Kuala Lumpur (03-7627 2929/email sam@befrienders.org.my/visit befrienders.org.my/centre- in-malaysia).
