GEORGE TOWN: Ali (not his real name) achieved most of his goals at a young age – he had a successful career and eventually got married and had two children.
As the sole breadwinner of the family, he also bought a house and two cars, one for himself and another for his wife.
Everything was rosy in the first few years of their marriage, with his wife being showered with whatever she wanted, including luxury bags and jewellery on their wedding anniversary and her birthday.
“My family survived on a single income for years, but my financial struggles during the movement control order finally put a strain on our marriage,” Ali said.
After 16 years together, the couple decided to call it quits last year.
Universiti Sains Malaysia (USM) sociologist Prof Intan Hashimah Mohd Hashim said failure to manage financial issues and conflicts between couples were among the factors contributing to divorce.She said it was vital for couples to connect with each other by practising positive communication and compassionate love, where the focus should be on their partner’s well-being.
“There should be equality in marriage, where the husband and wife are equally responsible for taking care of the family.
“Tolerance and forgiveness are also important, especially during conflicts,” she added.
Prof Intan Hashimah said other reasons for the increasing number of divorces were domestic violence, lack of intimacy, extramarital affairs, drug abuse and addiction, or a lack of commitment.USM social psychologist Dr Suzanna Bono said the Covid-19 pandemic could also a culprit.
“According to the family stress theory, domestic tension can be caused by financial causes and changes in social and family dynamics (such as physical separation due to the lockdowns), which may lead to a poor quality relationship, resulting in a separation.“Financial problems such as poverty, unemployment, inflation and an economic downturn can lead to spouses feeling burdened and stressed out,” she added.
Their children suffer too.
Six-year-old Caroline is now staying with her grandparents after her father and mother, both young professionals, separated two years ago.
“There’s no one to tell me bedtime stories now. My papa used to do that. I also miss the days when my mama would help me when I get a scolding from my papa.
“Sometimes, I feel quite lonely and want to cry,” said Caroline.
Dr Bono said divorces affect kids emotionally and physically.
“They may feel abandoned and guilty as some would blame themselves for their parents’ divorce.
“This can affect their mental health and some older children might indulge in negative behaviour like smoking, taking drugs, or playing truant,” she added.
She advised couples to create a resilient relationship that could survive disruptive life situations.
“By teaching couples or family members coping mechanisms for potential stressors, their resilience can be increased.
“This can be accomplished by developing a positive mindset and discovering significance in the challenges encountered – they become more socially connected, which helps the couple or family feel strong, safe and cohesive, and work together in a crisis,” she said.
