Why does my iPhone keep asking me to check in with my ex?


One user was asked to Check In with an ex they were no longer in touch with and others were asked to send them to managers, casual acquaintances, old enemies and, on at least one occasion, a deceased mother. — Bloomberg

Simon was waiting for a ride home one evening when he received a strange notification on his iPhone. It appeared with the iMessage logo, almost like a text message, but it was a suggestion from Siri, Apple’s virtual assistant. “Start a Check In with Daniel,” the phone prompted him. “Let them know when you arrive at your destination.”

Simon, who works in artificial intelligence at a company in British Columbia and asked to be identified only by his first name because he was commenting on the work of another tech company, was amused by the notification and took a screenshot. Daniel was his old roommate who lived nearly 5,000 miles away, on a completely different continent: Why on earth would his phone think he’d want to check in with him?

“I found it funny,” Simon said in a phone interview. “He is in my Favorites on my phone, so I’m guessing that’s how Apple does these recommendations. But it still just doesn’t make any sense, because I also have his address saved in my contacts, so my phone should know that we live on different continents.”

Other iPhone users have not been so amused by the Siri feature, which was released with iOS 17 last year. Since then, the internet has been inundated with posts from users wondering why their phones want them to check in with seemingly random contacts.

Many have taken to Reddit, describing the prompts as distressing or surprising, with some saying the messages had caused tension in their relationships over what felt like an attempt to control their movements. One user was asked to Check In with an ex they were no longer in touch with and others were asked to send them to managers, casual acquaintances, old enemies and, on at least one occasion, a deceased mother.

Leo Margul, a 37-year-old writer living in Los Angeles, said that on two occasions, he was leaving concerts when Siri prompted him to start a Check In with his mother, who lives across the country in Boston. When he posted the screenshot to Reddit, other users chimed in to say that they had received similar notifications, but that their parents had died.

“Many of the top comments were from folks expressing a deep regret that they didn’t speak to their now-deceased mother, or parent, when they were still alive,” Margul said in an interview. “Others talked about how they still check in with their mom or parents regardless of their age or sometimes their circumstances.”

How exactly the Check In feature works is a secret Apple guards closely. According to a company news release from June 2023, Check In was designed as a feature “for when a user wants to notify a family member or friend that they have made it to their destination safely.”

“After a user initiates a Check In, their friend or family member will automatically be notified as soon as the user arrives,” the release said. “If they are not making progress toward their destination, useful information will be temporarily shared with the selected contact, such as the device’s location, battery level and cell service status. Any information shared is end-to-end encrypted.”

But how exactly does your phone decide when the time is right to start a Check In? The feature hinges on Siri Suggestions, a function that, according to Apple, is based on a variety of factors, including what information is stored on your device and how you use your phone. Whether or not you actually start the Check In is up to you. Users can also turn off Siri Suggestions entirely, which will stop the notifications.

Still, some iPhone users are skeptical about using Check In without knowing exactly how it works.

“There’s something creepy about the fact that it isn’t readily explained how this feature works and how it chooses who to suggest,” Margul said. “That said, ultimately it reminded me to check in with people I would like to contact more often, so I appreciate that. It would just be great to know the exact privacy cost of that suggestion.” – The New York Times

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