In a world where digital connections are often a swipe away, some are rediscovering the magic of real-world interactions to find love and companionship. — Image by freepik
While dating apps have greatly influenced users’ love lives, recent reports indicate they may have lost their charm for some.
A survey by Forbes Health from July found that dating app burnout is widespread, with 80% of Millennials, 79% of Gen Z, 78% of Gen X, and 70% of Baby Boomers feeling fatigued.
Alongside negative experiences with unsavoury characters, these apps are becoming increasingly unappealing, prompting many to quit.
As a result, some people are turning to creative and quirky methods to revitalise their dating lives, such as using flyers, pitch decks styled like tech startup presentations, and even billboard ads (because nothing says “I’m serious” like expensive advertising).
Tay Shan Li is one such person. Inspired by the trend of singles’ getaways overseas, she began organising singles’ activities and events, accepting applications via Google Forms.
This idea eventually blossomed into Swipeless earlier this year – a singles platform that’s focused on creating in-person social experiences, offering events ranging from go-karting and hikes to cocktail-making classes and even volunteering.
How it all began
Finding herself single at 48 years old in 2023, Tay underwent a journey of self-discovery, eventually concluding that she needed to meet more people, making it her goal for the year.
As a go-getter, Tay mustered the courage to try her luck on dating apps – a daunting task, as she describes herself as “not a very digital person”. Unfortunately, this led to a streak of disappointing experiences.
By meeting potential partners through activities, Tay believes singles can skip the guessing game that often comes with online dating. — LOW LAY PHON/The Star
“There were people I would talk to (on dating apps). Then, after a while, they just don’t answer me anymore. And then there are people who I would arrange a video call with instead of just texting, since I’m not very good with text. But they don’t even have the decency to show up,” she says.
She even approached a matchmaking service but was met with what she describes as a huge fee, a price that Tay suspects was due to her age.
Even when she managed to arrange a face-to-face date through an app, the results were not particularly positive.
“There was one guy who didn’t look at all like his profile picture. There was another one who was still married, but he said to me, ‘I’m married, but my wife is very open to me having relationships’,” she says.
Another time, she was criticised by someone on a dating app over a photo of her holding a glass of wine, claiming he’d seen so many women with wine that he was questioning if all women were alcoholics.
“These were the kind of experiences I had, and after a while, I realised I was on this thing for months. Just to arrange a face-to-face meeting, first you’ve got to text, then you’ve got to see whether you can connect. Then you have to arrange a time to meet,” she says.
She says that dating apps were consuming so much of her time and becoming really frustrating, prompting her to ask, ‘Why can’t I just go out and do things?’ especially since she was trying to learn how to surf at the time.
“Wouldn’t it be cool if there were other single people in their 40s who also wanted to learn how to surf? We would definitely connect because there are very few of us, right?” she adds.
This frustration drove Tay to seek something different – an experience that would not only allow her to meet new people but also offer the chance to learn and try something new.
Her search led her to explore singles holidays, initially finding options only in the United States, as Tay recalled that she couldn’t find something similar locally.
This turned out to be exactly what she was looking for: fun activities that also happen to offer the opportunity to meet larger groups of people all at once.
With that in mind, she created a Google Form to gauge interest, which received 125 responses.
Fast forward to January of this year, and she has organised two events in the Klang Valley – a cocktail-making class followed by a hike the next day – and everything else fell into place.
‘Analogue approach’
Swipeless hosts two to three events each week, with attendance varying from approximately 20 to 80 participants, depending on the type of event being organised.
At its core, the platform is specifically for those who prefer a more “analogue approach” to love, essentially created for those in their 30s and older in mind.
According to Tay, 70% of participants in the Swipeless database are between the ages of 30 and 50.
“There were very few people on the apps that were around my age, honestly. Not many people are 40-something and willing to put themselves on an app,” she says.
Dating apps are shrinking in appeal among singles, with The Economist citing a study from research firm Sensor Tower noting a drop in monthly users from 154 million in 2021 down to 137 million in the second quarter of 2024. — Image by freepik
But this doesn’t mean dating apps are solely for the younger crowd, while social experiences like these are reserved for older generations.
“The feedback I hear from the 20-something-year-olds tells me a lot of the people (on dating apps) are just looking for hookups. Both guys and girls.
“I was surprised, but apparently, that’s the trend nowadays. So I don’t know why and how dating apps have evolved from their original intention of helping people find their match for life to this kind of thing,” she claims.
Dating apps are shrinking in appeal among singles, with The Economist citing a study from research firm Sensor Tower noting a drop in monthly users from 154 million in 2021 down to 137 million in the second quarter of 2024.
A separate report from the online news outlet TechCrunch found that fewer users are installing dating apps in 2024 compared to previous years, with only a 1.9% increase as of January this year, compared to a 29% increase in the same month of 2023.
Tay believes that having the opportunity to meet with potential partners through activities removes the guessing game usually associated with online dating, as users are generally provided with very limited information.
“You’re trying to make a decision on whether you would like this person based on their photographs and a few things they say about themselves. I think it’s very unreal and not very authentic.
“Whereas just like this (interview), I can see you, I can talk to you, I can ask you those questions and I can get genuine answers,” she says.
When it comes to dating, Tay views it as more of a numbers game – it’s about meeting as many people as possible to find those you can truly connect with on a deeper level.
The activities and events aren’t just about fostering romantic encounters – they can also serve as opportunities to meet new people.
“How many people in their adult life can say, ‘I’ve made 20 new friends in the last two months’?” she says.
“That’s the thing – many people tell me they haven’t made a new friend in the last two years, but after attending our events, they’ve made 20 or 30 new friends, which is a lot.
“That’s one of the things that I think is very healthy as well, even for emotional well- being and mental wellness,” she adds.
Tay envisions Swipeless as being complementary to dating apps, with plans to eventually leverage tech like artificial intelligence (AI) and matching algorithms to funnel people to events that are more likely to make connections.
Another aspect that makes these kinds of group social experiences appealing is the inherent safety they offer, Tay says, especially for women.
“You feel a lot safer if there’s other people there, you know, instead of being one-on-one. And that is actually the number one feedback that I get.
“I’ve had an acquaintance, somebody who came for my events, who went on a date before and got her phone stolen,” she says, adding that the guy just grabbed it and ran off.
Making connections
At the end of the day, Tay believes that regardless of whether a participant finds a partner, attending an event still provides something valuable.
She has organised a wide range of activities, including a murder mystery night, quiz and board game nights, art appreciation, wine tasting, and even a Lindy Hop dancing class.
Each event appeals more to certain demographics. For example, more expensive events like wine tastings tend to attract an older crowd, while something like a Jackbox game night, a collection of party games, appeals more to a younger audience.
“Our thinking is that there’s just so many different types of activities, and people with similar interests are going to go for these similar things.
“If you like certain things, just go, because everyone going for that is number one, single and number two, has the same interests as you.
“So, what’s there to lose? At worst, you’ve had a good afternoon playing a sport or learning how to make pizza or cocktails. There’s really no downside to giving it a try,” she says.
Tay herself found love through Swipeless, meeting her boyfriend who was invited by another attendee, which she says exemplifies the value of building connections through such social experiences.
“Connect with more people, because someone you meet at an event may be friends with someone else or may have a brother or sister who can get along with you – you never know.
“I always tell people to have an open mind and make more friends, because there is nothing to lose from having more friendships,” she says.
